Call Me Lizzie
by amiraline
Summary: It's been a year since Ciel's sudden 'death.' Elizabeth Midford is now widowed, but is she really? Elizabeth knows Ciel isn't dead. She knows all of his secrets, now it's time to bring them into the light. Will Elizabeth succeed in her quest to find her betrothed, or will she just get hurt in the process? IMPORTANT - /This story is currently in the process of being rewritten/
1. Emotionless

Its been a year. An entire year, when I finally decided to do it. August 25th was the day, the last time we spoke, the last time I smiled, dressed in color, the last time I wore my hair up, the last time I was happy. I thought it was a joke, a sick twisted joke. I laughed. I bloody laughed at it. The paper was demolished in my hands, it dug into my palm until it bled. I let it bleed until the whole paper was stained in scarlet. Paula shed a tear, mother cried, and I continued to laugh. I laughed like a madman, which mother thought I was. Who am I kidding, maybe I was, maybe I still am. I laid in my bed that night, and laughed until I passed out from exhaustion. In the morning and the rest of the next day I didn't laugh, I didn't cry, I was emotionless. I made Paula keep my hair down. I let the stringy curled strands fall over my face. My hair stayed flat from sleep and I left the dull curls as they were. Hah, it almost looked the way it did on the ship, when we fought the bizarre dolls.. It seems humorous to me now, but I didn't even crack a smile then. I wanted to look as dull and lifeless as I felt, so I wore all beige. The dress I wore, pinched snug on my waist and fell flatly against my legs. I've never worn it before and never planned on wearing it. It was nothing important, just a gift from Mother. She thought it be a nice lounging dress, yet I never let it touch my skin, until that day. Until then, I had refused to wear something so lifeless, so dull, it just didn't suit me at all.. Everyone else was very surprised by my drastic change in attire, but they didn't question me... They let me do as I wish since I was now 'widowed.' The word disgusted me.. It was a lie, so I laughed more. I was amused yet disgusted by the fact that everyone was going along with it. The news swept through London like a fire, well I shouldn't say that.. So many fires have spread through in the past few years.. Some were grieving, others celebrating. There were so many mixed emotions coming through. The late Earl Phantomhive was a strong topic. It was the only thing people set their minds on. And as the wife of the late earl, I was also a common topic. "How does she deal with her betrothed dying?" They'd murmur as I passed them on the streets. "And it doesn't help with the fact that she's so young." I cringed at the people who spoke those words. First it was uncle Vincent and his wife who burned in the fire, and then it was Aunt An who perished and lost her life to the Jack the Ripper case, and now Ciel has disappeared. He wasn't dead. He couldn't have died. He had been fine that very morning. We danced that very morning. Yes, we did dance then.. But something was off.. He smiled through the entire dance. Ciel Phantomhive hasn't truly smiled since we were merely children.. Since before the fire, since before he lost everything.. Since before... Since before Sebastian.. The Midnight Black Butler with his blood colored eyes. Something was wrong the moment Sebastian came into the picture. I'm still puzzled about where that Butler even came from. He appeared with Ciel's return. I'm sure everyone, at least once, questioned the new coming Butler, but we we're all too shocked with Ciel's return to ask or even care. I was one who didn't question. Overcome with emotion, I let it slide. I observed this stranger, but it didn't seem that there anything wrong, but there was always something wrong. He was too powerful to be normal truly not even human. But I never said anything. I only wanted to have Ciel happy, but he never was. No matter how hard I tried... He was never happy.. I knew he wasn't satisfied with life, so I tried to make it better. I tore through my brain trying to find a way to please him. On every visit I took to the Phantomhive manor, I'd wear the brightest colors, and where the biggest smile, hoping for his happiness, but I always failed, and now he's gone. The first week after he disappeared, I actually thought that maybe I would be fine, that eventually my mind would clear and that I would be ok.. But no I looked into the past two years. I'm not an idiot, no, I'm far from it.. Ciel thought he could trick me, but I know what he was hiding.. The day on that ship was when I realized everything.. Ciel had done something awful.. He had summoned something evil, something hellish. He had summoned a demon..


	2. The Phantomhive Manor

It is only been when those bizarre dolls had been killed in a matter of seconds, did I even begin to realize who Sebastian really was. I was only able to kill the dolls because of all of my training with swords. Sebastian ripped hundreds of them apart with his bare hands. The ground was pulled with blood, my mind spun. Sebastian was grinning he was actually smiling! I felt sick but I just swallowed down anything that might of come up, and followed behind Ciel, pretending it was merely water splashing against my ankles. I had dropped Ciel's cake around the time the bizarre dolls broke free. I was practically hyperventilating as I looked around the blood covered floor trying to find the cake. Oh what was the use? It would have been ruined by all of this blood and gore by now. Ciel and Sebastian were quietly conversating next to me, and I couldn't help but stare at them. Sebastian scarlet eyes sparkled as he spoke. They were so abnormal, red was such a unnatural colour. After a moment, he caught me staring and his eyes locked on mine, so I dropped my gaze to the bloody floor and silently gagged. Ciel's eyes sparkled with that scarlet color as we danced, exactly a year ago. I wanted to tell him I saw, I wanted to ask why he'd done this, I'd already known by then.. But I'd never realize he would have done so to himself. I couldn't seem to get my brain to function and get the words out of my mind and into my mouth. All I did was question the music. The dreadful package came hours after I left the Phantom Manor. I was the one who opened the door and brought it inside.. I was the one who carefully and wrapped it, but mother took control after that. She took out the funtom candy and then just stared inside. A grimace went over her face, before the tears fell. I wasn't sure what had worked her up, so I dipped my hand inside and took out the paper. That's when I promised to find him. It was so early the next morning, the sun was only barely up, but yet I was already out the door. " are you sure you want to do this, milady?" Paula asked where they were concerned look as we got into the carriage. I didn't answer her. I picked at the lace on the sleeves off my dress the entire ride, and kept my eyes on the white low heeled shoes, that pinched my toes. She put her hand on my shoulder when we arrived. " We're here." she said her eyes shaking as she spoke. I still didn't reply as I stepped out, Paula followed after. My footsteps cracked on the gravel, and eventually just sounded hollow as I reached the door. I never knocked when I came here, so what was the point? It was just another ordinary day, wasn't it? I pushed open the heavy doors and took a few steps inside. I opened my mouth to call for him, but then immediately closed it. What if he really was- No Elizabeth, he's merely changed. I looked around. It has never felt so empty in here. I thought to myself. Even when Ciel was gone on business, the manor was still bubbling with life. I narrowed my eyes and looked at one of the doors. That was the kitchen. I had heard a crash. I walked further into the manor. "Hello?" I called. Paula gasped from behind me. Oh yeah, I finally spoken. My attention wandered away for a moment, but snapped back when the kitchen door swung wide open.


	3. An unpure smile

I practically had to choke back a scream as Mey-Rin burst through the kitchen doors. Her glasses had been pushed up her forehead, and they kept her bangs out of her eyes. I have never seen her eyes before, they were always hidden behind those huge glasses frames. They were a pretty amber color, and without the glasses, she looked so different without them, she was actually quite pretty. But I didn't have much time to think that, she was pointing a gun directly at me. I gasped and dropped to my knees, my arms directly going up to cover my head. I could hear the seams rip as my knees hit the floor. I could practically hear the realization settle in the room. Mey-Rin shouted and dropped the gun on the ground. The clattering of the impact rang in the air. "Lady Elizabeth!" Mey-Rin shouted as she began to jog over to me. She kept mumbling stuff to herself as she ran, but my head was still down. When she got about a yard away from me, she tumbled to the floor, and landed inches away from me. From what I've seen of her, she is the most unbalanced person I've met. I guessed that when she started running, her glasses slipped from her forehead, because they were now over her eyes again. She had landed on her stomach and was looking up at me, while tugging at the end of my skirt. "I-I'm so sorry miss Elizabeth, yes I am." She stuttered. I quickly got up to my feet, and made sure to pull my dress from her fingers, and brushed off the skirt part, even though there was nothing on it. "What's got you so worked up?" I asked completely ignoring her apologizes. "Oh!" She said as she shakily got back up, her cheeks now burning a dark red colour. "I really am sorry lady Elizabeth, I just thought you were an intruder, I did." I rubbed the beige cloth of the dress against my fingernails and looked up at her. She was quite taller than me, so I did actually have to look up. "I would of thought you would have moved out." I said blinking. She gasped and gave me an alarmed look, as if I had offended her. "Why of course I haven't left! None of us have left. We all still live here, we do." She sighed and kicked at the ground. I shook my head. "It's only been a day since Ciel had.." I paused and tried to find a word to suit the sentence. "Departed. Your bound to leave in a matter of time, no?" I replied flicking my wrist. She gave me another alarmed look. "I'll never leave this place, no I won't! I vowed to protect this place with my life, and that's what I'm going to do!" I blinked. "Is that why you were trying to shoot me?" Her face lit up red again. "Oh no, well erm yes. I just thought you might be a burglar trying to take advantage of the fact that the young master is-." She choked on the last word. I had thought I had seen a tear form at the bottom of her glasses, but her finger quickly wiped whatever it was away. "I just thought people might take advantage of the fact and just try to barge in, I did." She replied, her voice now flat. "And I cant let that happen, no I cant!" She gave a thumbs up and smiled. My face immediately turned to a frown. How could she smile only a day after Ciel's disappearance? I still frown at her, even a year later. I was disgusted by this. The moment the smile appeared on her face, my hands balled up into fists, and I clenched them so hard, they shook. I had completely forgotten that Paula was there until her hand landed on my shoulder. "M-milady?" She asked. But it was too late, the tears had already begun to fall. "H-how could you disgrace him like this?" I choked out. "E-Elizabeth, I didn't mean to upset you, no I didn't." Mey-Rin said, her smile faded into a monotone expression. "How could you!" I shouted, the tears covering my entire face now. I couldn't hide my emotions. I couldn't lie and be emotionless. I was human. Yes. That's right, I am human. I am human, yet these tears are falling for a demon.


	4. Dreams

I hadn't even realized what a mess I was until I really looked back upon that day. Only a year later did I realize that I even cried. It seems that all my memories from those dreadful few days, are coming back to my mind only now. Merely weeks ago, I couldn't remember a thing. It's as if the memories were blocked. Trapped somewhere in the back of my head, trying to claw their way out. I'm sure Mey-Rin was shocked with my outburst. I honestly surprised myself with it. She took several steps away from me, shaking her head. I dropped back onto my knees. I didn't even care that I no longer looked cute, I was far from it at the moment. The seams on the beige dress were ripped, my hair was greasy and stringing in my eyes, my face was contorted into a ghastly grimace, and to top it all of, my red face was damp with the sticky tears streaming from my eyes. If they were trying to comfort me as I broke down, I didn't recall it. I didn't feel anyone touch me.. I was truly alone, with no help.. I tuned everything out. My sobs were taking up most of my breath. I was beginning to choke on the sobs as they caught in my throat. My nails scraped against the floor and I began to feel light headed from the lack of air that was getting in my head.. I couldn't see very well. I was getting dizzy. I. Just. Needed. To. Breathe. My entire mind blacked out, as I lost consciousness. I wasn't even sure if it were possible to dream when you weren't asleep. Well, did this count as sleeping? I didn't care. I was only focused on waking up. Wait. That's odd. I was normally never aware in my dreams.. Honestly, I never really had dreams.. It was completely dark, for what I could see. Hm. I could see things.. Did I exist in this dream? I attempted to take a step forward. My heel clicked against the floor. The noise broke the silence and rang out through the area. So I did exist.. I took another step, and another click. Step, click, step, click. The sound of my footsteps soothed me. I began taking more steps forward. I wasn't walking. Just stepping. Step.. Step.. Click.. Click.. It began to gain a collected beat. A rhythm almost. Another sound ruined the rhythm. A very familiar sound.. "No.." I whispered as I spun around.. Is that even a possible power? I thought to myself. Elizabeth, you idiot. Of course it is.. I closed my eyes and breathed out. Keep walking. Step, click, step, click, the sound. I stopped again. Go. My footsteps began to gain more speed, the slapping of my shoes on the ground became louder. Louder. Louder. I sped up more. I was eventually running. Stop. Where do you even think your going Elizabeth? This is your dream. I stopped. The sound came again. I ignored it. "Light." I whispered. Nothing. "Light.." I whispered again. Still nothing. Well... Maybe this wasn't my dream after all. Maybe. I shook my head. That's impossible. "That's impossible." I felt like I needed to say it. That maybe if I said it, I could believe it. I still wouldn't believe it. My breath caught in my throat as my shoulder tensed. What.. I relaxed it. There was a light weight settled on it. It felt almost like.. No.. No no no... No... I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it.. "Oh Elizabeth.." 'His' voice rang out through the silence. I froze as he tightened his grip on my shoulder. "I suppose you aren't the fool I always took you for." 


End file.
